Author Archives: kurhel

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“Forgiveness is a sword that cuts the ties of attachment and suffering.
It opens the possibility of our accessing the greatest treasure that exists in this world: freedom.”

“Forgiveness is a flower that is born when we are sufficiently mature. It is a manifestation of divine love, a miracle that takes place when we decide to turn the page of the book of life and say: Be happy! Thank you. Forgiveness is the beginning of freedom. In truth, when we can free the other, we free ourselves.”
– Sri Prem Baba

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Tsitaat

“Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way around or through it. If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves.

Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.”

— Bruce Lee

Tsitaat

Attracting Love

In the infinity of life where I am, all is perfect, whole, and complete. I live in harmony and balance with everyone I know. Deep at the centre of my being, there is an infinite well of love. I now allow this love to flow to the surface. It fills my heart, my body, my mind, my consciousness, my very being, and radiates out from me in all directions and returns to me multiplied. The more love I use and give, the more I have to give. The supply is endless. The use of love makes me feel good; it is an expression of my inner joy. I love myself; therefore, I take loving care of my body. I lovingly feed it nourishing foods and beverages, I lovingly groom it and dress it, and my body lovingly responds to me with vibrant health and energy. I love myself; therefore, I provide for myself a comfortable home, one that fills all my needs and is a pleasure to be in. I fill the rooms with the vibration of love so that all who enter, myself included, will feel this love and be nourished by it.

—LOUISE HAY

All my relationships are harmonious

Love, Commitment and Surrender

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What a big issue commitment seems to be for many of us! Merriam-Webster.com defines commitment as “to pledge or assign to some particular course or use.” Whether it’s getting work done, committing to exercise regularly or eat well, or pledge our love to someone else, commitment can be a challenge. Every day in my private practice, I see clients who are having trouble understanding what commitment is, accepting the reality of their relationships, or communicating about what they want or need from a partner.

A major part of the problem is thinking that we must “make a commitment”. A true commitment is not something you make, but a state of being rather than a decision. The realization that you are committed, that you feel dedicated to a relationship or a venture, must come before the declaration. It does not develop the other way around. What works is being inspired to commit to love because we recognize that we can’t imagine life without our beloved.

A marriage or a relationship commitment is not made at the ceremony, but gradually over the weeks and months before. A proposal and a ceremonial celebration are only the beginning of further development of commitment. Commitment is also made by moving in together, although the lack of formality can create confusion about what commitments are being made.

Relationship responsibilities can be viewed as obligations, which usually generates resentment. Remembering the reasons why the relationship is important and what it means, replaces the resentment with gratitude and pleasure. Even the routine, boring responsibilities are transformed into expressing love through action.

We literally cannot know the extent of our commitment when we decide to declare ourselves a couple, because we are unable to read the future, or to know what will be required of us. It is a great, courageous step into the unknown.

Many couples do this with great pomp and circumstance, with blessings of various religions, with many friends present. Many others have no ceremony at all, beyond the exhausting and jumbled event of moving their belongings into the same space. Others still have kept their commitments faithfully and well for many years without even living together, sometimes without the knowledge of co-workers and family. When our friends Doug and Ed had a church wedding two years ago, it was after 47 years of loving commitment.

Whatever form this great step takes, it is a declaration of a commitment to begin to form a deeper commitment. It is a decision to live mutually, to work it out together. Being committed is the recognition that you’ve surrendered to a mutual path rather than a solo one. There’s a surprising amount of surrender involved.

A joyous commitment means surrendering every day to the greater good. Your responsibilities expand to include three: yourself, your partner, and your relationship. Few decisions can be made without consideration for all three parts. You will not be able to contribute to the growth and development of the relationship if you allow my own health and/or well-being to suffer. Without commitment to yourself, you risk being a burden rather than an asset to your partner and your love. Caring for yourself within the relationship means feeling fulfilled and enriched within your love.

Your partner’s wants and needs become equal to your own; not more, not less. No decision can be truly satisfying unless it also satisfies your partner. When mutual satisfaction seems impossible, and you compromise, it’s an unstable, unsettled condition; a temporary solution that gives you time to research more options until you find the mutual answer.

Your relationship, too, has needs and conditions that must be met to insure its health. One relationship need that comes to mind immediately is time. Devoting time to the relationship is important to its health and growth. ( I find in my therapy practice that many relationships in trouble benefit from the simple fact that the couple is devoting one hour a week to focus on the relationship in a constructive way.)

Surrendering to these responsibilities, and meeting them with love and joy are the keys to success. These ideal conditions cannot possibly be met out of a sense of obligation.

In 1982, I married Richard feeling that I had no other choice. To pass up the chance that I could really have everything I ever wanted was impossible. I had to give it my best shot, to surrender to living out my dream. Reconciling that dream with our reality has been a challenge; and has reshaped both fantasy and real life. They are slowly and steadily coming closer together. I would not have lasted past the first year without the power of my commitment to achieving my dream. Now, in the twenty first century, we have created mutual happiness, love and contentment.

A declaration of commitment is the beginning of growing a deeper commitment. It is a decision to live mutually, to work it out together. For me, being committed is the recognition that I’ve surrendered to a mutual path rather than a solo one. There’s a surprising amount of surrender involved.

To couples on the path, I offer this wish: May you be married to your inner wisdom as well as to each other, and may you be guided by your true commitment through all the hills and valleys you must face. May it give you joy, and strength, and a sense of how precious is the gift of life and love.

May you live surrounded by love: your own, your friends’, and the mysterious higher energies of love you will touch in your transcendent moments. Seeing the power and the beauty of love, may you surrender fully to it, and through that surrender come to truly know yourselves and each other.

© 2017 Tina B. Tessina / adapted from: How to Be Happy Partners: Working it out Together http://tinyurl.com/zbe63u9

 

Tsitaat

“Dear Lover, I dont want you to give up. I know the men in your past have hurt you and that sometimes I am unable to meet you. But please don’t settle for less than your hearts most deep desire. I have seen so many women give up and settle for a mediocre relationship that doesn’t open them to God. I have also seen women try to bypass the often difficult practice of two-bodied devotion by trying to love themselves.
These women learn that by loving themselves just as they are and by loving their man even with all his human limits, then they can feel OK. They can feel warmly OK with their own humanness and their mans. They don’t need things to be perfect anymore. They are able to love and accept things as they are.
But I would be disappointed if you settled for this. Loving you and me as we are—loving your own shells and loving me even with all my imperfections—is a first step. Yet a greater gift is allowing your hearts deepest expression to illuminate my life so I can see more than I can by myself. And if you will choose me—or another man—who you trust to open your heart deeper than you can by loving your own human limits and shells, then your heart will flower far beyond simple OK-ness with the way things are.
The first step is to love yourself, me, and everyone with all of our imperfections. We are divine and OK just as we are. The next step is to open in the fuller illumination of two-bodied devotional trust. Then, we can see more and offer our love more profoundly than we could without each others loving reflection and heart- demand. Yet another step in loves flowering is to trust and open fully as the love that yearns to shine through the hearts of all beings.” – “Dear Lover” by D. Deida

Think about this for a moment: Why would you ever choose to be with someone who is not excited to be with you?

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The entrepreneur Derek Sivers once wrote a blog post where he said, “If I’m not saying ‘Hell Yeah!’ to something, then I say no.” It served him well in the business world and now I’d like to apply it to the dating world. And because I’m more of a vulgar asshole than Derek is, I’ll christen mine The Law of “Fuck Yes or No.”

https://markmanson.net/fuck-yes

Tsitaat

– “Ma armastan Sind” – ütles Väike Prints.
– “Ma tahan Sind ka” – ütles roos.
– “See ei ole sama” – vastas ta…

“Tahta – see tähendab millegi või kellegi omamist. See on selliste asjade otsimine teistes, mis täidavad Sinu isiklikud ootused kiindumuse ja seltskonna järele… Tahtmine on millegi sellise enda omaks tegemine, mis ei kuulu meile; see tähendab omandada või ihaldada midagi, mis meid täiendaks, sest mingil hetkel me tõdeme, et meil on puudu.

Armastada – see tähendab teisele parima soovimist, isegi kui teisel on väga erinevad  motivatsioonid. Armastada tähendab lubada Sul olla õnnelik, isegi kui Sinu teekond on minu omast erinev. See on isetu tunne, mis sünnib kinkimises, enda täielikult südamest andmises.

Kui me Armastame, siis anname ennast ilma, et me küsiks midagi vastu, lihtsalt puhtast andmise rõõmust. Aga samuti on tõsi, et see üleandmine, see isetu andmine, leiab aset ainult teadmises. Me saame armastada ainult seda, mida me tunneme, sest armastamine hõlmab tühjusesse hüppamist, elu ja hinge usaldamist. Ja hinge ei saa kompenseerida. Ja teadmine – see on lihtsalt enda tundmine: oma rõõmude, oma rahu, aga samuti oma viha, katsumuste ja vigade tundmine. Sest armastus ületab viha, võitlused ja vead ega pole olemas ainult rõõmuhetkedeks.

Armastada on olla täis usaldust, et mis iganes juhtub, oled Sa olemas – mitte sellepärast, et Sa võlgned midagi, mitte iseka omamise pärast, vaid lihtsalt oled, vaikses seltsis.
Armastada tähendab teada, et ilm Sind ei muuda  – ei tormid ega minu talved.

Armastada tähendab anda Sulle koht minu südames, kuhu Sa jääd kui isa, ema, vend, poeg, sõber, ja teada, et Sinu südames on koht minule.

Armastuse andmine ei ammenda armastust; vastupidi – see suurendab seda. Viis, kuidas nii palju armastust tagasi anda, on avada oma süda ja lasta endal olla armastatud.

– “Ma juba mõistsin” – ütles roos…
– “Ära mõista seda, ela seda” – ütles Väike Prints.