Being in a relationship is the quickest way to find out who our authentic self is. It is the quickest way to learn about boundaries, how to set them and how to honour others boundaries and limits. It is the best way to learn about compromise and negotiations. It is a great way to see ourselves reflected back to us through the one who tells us they love us unconditionally.
Authentic self at all times and let our partner be their own authentic self as well.
But when we can take a deep look inside, and find the parts that are fearful; when we can really own those places without needing to blame someone else for them; when we can have the courage to open our hearts and express our vulnerability…this is when there is a possibility to return to love.
And then we begin to see that for a relationship to be transformative, it’s not about the outside event. It is about the inner transformation. Any even can occur in relating, but how do we meet it and process it when it arises? Choosing to find and express our vulnerability in every challenging situation is a powerful way to let every experience open us rather than shut us down.
~ Shashi Solluna
Let life be a sketch in your mind.
Don’t try to live the future or force any projection,
so that you experience being lived more than you are living.
Like this you keep discovering that there is space and room
for the unexpected changes that come dynamically
through the breath of God.
Don’t project so much what you are going to do.
Don’t turn everything into a controlled garden.
Leave some wild grassland in the landscape of your Being.
The first thing to understand about jealousy is that it has nothing to do with anyone else and everything to do with you. Remember that this is an illusion that comes from your insecurity—from the fact that you don’t believe in yourself.
I teach how to evolve in the process of transforming lust by taking advantage of relationships as school material—by understanding that a relationship is a powerful instrument of learning and assessment that allows you to see where you are in the journey. Relationship can show you how to become aware of where you are in relation to freedom, observing whether you feel free and whether you’re able to let the other be free. Freedom is a fruit of love that only manifests when you can purify your system of all points of hatred and fear, allowing yourself to slowly let go of this defense mechanism: lust. It is only possible to liberate yourself from the erotic energy of fear when you feel a deep love for life and for existence—a type of love that we call devotion, which is simply a flowering that allows you to redirect your sexual energy towards God. But this flowering happens naturally; you can’t force it to take place.
Recognize this as a chance to set the other free, including the freedom to not love you.
The deciding factor in life is how you handle setbacks and challenges. People with a growth mindset welcome setbacks with open arms.
The main one was the sheer difficulty of being in more than one relationship, and the levels of honesty, with self and other, and communication that that demands. I was put to the test a number of times, sometimes failing and sometimes succeeding, always learning: in terms of how to properly communicate, how to express and ask for boundaries, and to move through ego wants into deeper truths, and how to be honest about those truths with myself and with lovers.
“Life is relationship. We are constantly relating to one thing or another. However, within this infinite sphere, the loving relationships are undoubtedly the most powerful catalyst or activator of the truth. If life is a school, relationships are our university. Through relationships we have a chance to mature and activate the human values that facilitate our evolution. This process happens because the other, regardless of whoever they may be, is always acting as a mirror that reflects the parts of ourselves that we need to see. Sometimes, the other reflects aspects of the higher truth and the Being that dwells within us, and other times they reflect aspects of the transitory truths that also inhabit us.” ~ Sri Prem Baba, from the book Love and Be Free