There are certain lessons that you can only learn through romantic relationships, because they open up all your wounds, everything that isn’t integrated from your family constellation. Your entire past is recreated in a romantic relationship so that you will have the chance to integrate it, to heal the family relationships that are somehow still causing pain to your system.
So this kind of relationship that I’ve been calling new marriage doesn’t usually arrive early in life, because it requires a certain amount of maturity, understanding and willingness to let the other person be free – including free not to love you if they don’t want to. This is the final test of the initiation called relationship.
I see it as a spiritual initiation. You only complete this cycle of initiation when you overcome emotional neediness; in other words, when you free yourself from insecurity, jealousy, and possessiveness. Only in this way will you truly be free and allow the other person to be free.
When the relationship becomes highly destructive, without any chance of growing in love, freedom and forgiveness, you must have the courage to take a break. You must have the courage to face this and explore the fear that maybe keeps you from being alone. I am not encouraging separation! I am encouraging you to face the truth; to be honest with yourself and with the other person. It is only the lie that falls away, the truth never does.